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 The dream life of Andrew Willowsmith

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Samus
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PostSubject: The dream life of Andrew Willowsmith   The dream life of Andrew Willowsmith Icon_minitime4/11/2014, 5:41 pm

Andrew is based on me kind of, and you'll get a new chapter of this every week. Imma try go get his published, so Critisize me on what I should edit in, and I'll give you credit as editors when I publish the book. :)(ps I'll probably make several different versions of this story)
CHAPTER 1
Wow, the suspense! Andrew thought as he read the last page of The House of Hades, by Rick Riordan. He closed the book. It was 5th period math, right after lunch, and he was drowsy and bored. On days like this, Andrew would fall asleep and dream of happy stuff, like I don't know, anything but math. He lay down his head and rested it on the hood of his soft Goodson grizzlies band hoodie. And he fell asleep.
       For the first time since getting into Greek myths and whatnot, Andrew dreamt of them. Kind of like in rick riordan's series, being a modern demigod, but there was no camp. At least not yet.
         He was standing on a log. A siler dagger was strapped to his arm and a silver arrow was knocked on his bowstring of the bow in his hands. HE seemed yo be in a deep dark forest. Silver was obviously the only substance that could send monsters to Tartarus. And one by one, memories and flashbacks came into his head. He was a son of Acheron. He remembered meeting his father and abandoning his mother. Going to the demigod smith's forge and receiving his weapons. All of a sudden, Andrew heard a thumping and crashing noise breaking through his dream. He opened his eyes.
              "Andrew, wake up!" His teacher, mr. Tucker, yelled at him. He glared at him for a few seconds and there was silence for a while, only being broken by snickers of the children in front of him. He looked down and saw The house of hades in his lap. With a glob of spit all over the front cover. damn it Andrew thought to himself and wiped the spit off with his sleeve. He looked up and mr t was stop standing over him. Just then the bell rang. Andrew gave his teacher a cheery smile , said "bye mr. T! Can't wat to see you tomorrow, mr. T!" And hopped out the door, arms full of books. He would probably get in trouble tomorrow, but at the moment he didn't really care.


Last edited by Ezio Auditore da Firenze on 4/13/2014, 11:01 am; edited 1 time in total
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Milocross
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PostSubject: Re: The dream life of Andrew Willowsmith   The dream life of Andrew Willowsmith Icon_minitime4/13/2014, 10:39 am

you probably need permission to base your book off of the chb series before trying to get it published


and you should fix all the typos
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Samus
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PostSubject: Re: The dream life of Andrew Willowsmith   The dream life of Andrew Willowsmith Icon_minitime4/13/2014, 10:57 am

Yeah I'm going to email, mail, call, etc. Rick riordan until my get my ok. I'm not going to publish it without getting all the copyright stuff worked out first.

I edited the typos out.
Thanks Catherine!(never thought I'd say that)
You're on the editor list now



EDITOR LIST:
Matthew(me)


Last edited by Gyro on 4/30/2014, 3:55 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Alpha Wolf
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PostSubject: Re: The dream life of Andrew Willowsmith   The dream life of Andrew Willowsmith Icon_minitime4/13/2014, 1:36 pm

Yes I can see that idea going so well

You: "Hey Mr. Riordan, I'm a 13 year old that's a fan of your series, can you allow me permission to publish my fan-fiction as an actual book?"

Rick: "Why do you people keep begging for this kinda stuff"

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Samus
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PostSubject: Re: The dream life of Andrew Willowsmith   The dream life of Andrew Willowsmith Icon_minitime4/13/2014, 1:41 pm

Oh you just wish you wrote fanfiction as good as chapter 2(probably)
And no, dexter. That doesn't get you onto my editors list.
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Alpha Wolf
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PostSubject: Re: The dream life of Andrew Willowsmith   The dream life of Andrew Willowsmith Icon_minitime4/13/2014, 1:49 pm

A: It's a joke
B: You assume I want to actually be on the Editor's list, I question if Catherine wants to be on the list
C: I really would rather not gloat, believe me I would. But I certainly could make something better if I actually put a hint of effort into it.

An example of my work you ask? Here you go: http://www.camphalfblood.org/t11228-the-blackwood-sagas-genesis
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PostSubject: Re: The dream life of Andrew Willowsmith   The dream life of Andrew Willowsmith Icon_minitime4/13/2014, 2:03 pm

Ok
Ok
I do put work into my writing. We just have different styles of writing.
I never asked for an example of your work
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PostSubject: Re: The dream life of Andrew Willowsmith   The dream life of Andrew Willowsmith Icon_minitime4/13/2014, 2:07 pm

I never said you didn't put effort into your work, I just said that if I cared enough I could do better. And I stated the example thing as both another joke and literal example of me trying when writing something
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PostSubject: Re: The dream life of Andrew Willowsmith   The dream life of Andrew Willowsmith Icon_minitime4/13/2014, 2:21 pm

Ok.

COUNTDOWN FOR CHAPTER 2
4 DAYS AND 3 MINUTES
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PostSubject: Re: The dream life of Andrew Willowsmith   The dream life of Andrew Willowsmith Icon_minitime4/14/2014, 4:02 pm

Yes, yes, yes I know you admins will say "please no double posting" but I have something to say-


That's my 1st draft of my book's cover. If you want, please post an image of the fire you have made and would like meto use, and I'll give you credit for the front cover (if your cover art is pulled out of a hat at random)
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PostSubject: Re: The dream life of Andrew Willowsmith   The dream life of Andrew Willowsmith Icon_minitime4/14/2014, 7:12 pm

You're allowed to double post when it's your story topic.
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PostSubject: Re: The dream life of Andrew Willowsmith   The dream life of Andrew Willowsmith Icon_minitime4/14/2014, 7:43 pm

Ok thanks for the info.
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PostSubject: Re: The dream life of Andrew Willowsmith   The dream life of Andrew Willowsmith Icon_minitime4/15/2014, 6:43 pm

Countdown for chapter 2:
3 days, 6 hours and 17 minutes
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PostSubject: Re: The dream life of Andrew Willowsmith   The dream life of Andrew Willowsmith Icon_minitime4/26/2014, 6:37 pm

Okay, I've been über lazy with this, so here is chapter #2-
CHAPTER 2-
Andrew dreamt of being a demigod again that night.
The loud thumping noise came from a young boy, about Andrew's age. Maybe he was even a demigod. He wielded a 3 ft. long silver battle axe, the axe blazing on fire. Lucky for him, he wasn't attacking live trees. The dryads would go after him in his sleep. He shouldn't even be knocking hem down at all. Why was he even knocking hem down? It took a while to realize that the boy had stopped his chopping and was looking at Andr

RING!RING!RING!
His alarm clock was wailing, and he turned over in his bed and whacked the SNOOZE button. He groggily woke up and got ready for a day of school he wouldn't forget.
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Josh
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PostSubject: Re: The dream life of Andrew Willowsmith   The dream life of Andrew Willowsmith Icon_minitime4/27/2014, 4:26 am

For a chapter these are waaay too short. Especially if you plan on producing a full novel.

What you seem to be calling chapters are merely paragraphs. At this rate, you'll be having hundreds and hundreds of chapters before getting to what could be considered a decent novel length. Even for a novella, it's going to be waay too short.

You should fuse them together and write longer chapters. I already wrote a novel, and even mine was quite short. Each chapter was at least 8 pages of A4, typed.

So, there's still some work to do.

And the whole demigod idea, it isn't so original anymore, now that Riordan has done it, and there are other authors going down that route. Imo, I'd try for something more original, if you ever want to even consider trying to get published.

________________
Amelia Wright - Poseidon - 17
Leonidas Enfield - Chronos - 18
Darius O'Shea - Tyche - 17
Kyla O'Shea - Tyche - 17
Ciara Martin - 14 - Pollux
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PostSubject: Re: The dream life of Andrew Willowsmith   The dream life of Andrew Willowsmith Icon_minitime4/27/2014, 5:03 am

For your first 4 messages-
Sometimes books have a few short chapters. I haven't even posted 1/16 of what I've written already, or at least 1/30 of what I will write. But I definitely won't post it all here.

To your 5th-
Well I will try it anyway.
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PostSubject: Re: The dream life of Andrew Willowsmith   The dream life of Andrew Willowsmith Icon_minitime4/27/2014, 9:06 am

Try it by all means.

and yes I do realise books can have short chapters, hell it can even be good to have a short chapter. But what I'm saying is; those are waaay too short.

Let's look at this;

a main division of a book, typically with a number or title.

That's the google definition of a chapter.

A main division.

What you appear to have been putting are basically the equivalent of shorter RP posts.

Now, don't take my feedback the wrong way, I'm trying to help. My recommendation is, remove the word Chapter, and fuse the passages together to add some length to it. And then you have one hell of a jump between those two chapters anyway. Class finishes, and then we jump to him going to sleep? That's quite a gap, you could add a lot of detail in there. What does the character look like? What is his family life like? His friends? His hobbies? etc etc. There's so much you could add to provide the detail.

If you don't want my help, fine, but I feel you're going to need a lot of help if you're genuinely serious about trying to get published. Which, by the way, is one hell of a task, and my absolute honest opinion is; if it continues as it currently is, you won't be getting published. So, use the feedback provided.

________________
Amelia Wright - Poseidon - 17
Leonidas Enfield - Chronos - 18
Darius O'Shea - Tyche - 17
Kyla O'Shea - Tyche - 17
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PostSubject: Re: The dream life of Andrew Willowsmith   The dream life of Andrew Willowsmith Icon_minitime4/27/2014, 9:47 am

Okay, I see you may be taking my feedback to your feedback the wrong way. I'm not dissing you. I'll try the chapter thing. But maybe later.
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PostSubject: Re: The dream life of Andrew Willowsmith   The dream life of Andrew Willowsmith Icon_minitime4/29/2014, 9:44 pm

can you take me off the editors list
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PostSubject: Re: The dream life of Andrew Willowsmith   The dream life of Andrew Willowsmith Icon_minitime4/30/2014, 3:54 pm

Sure
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