Needs to be checked again

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Needs to be checked again

Post by TheRoseCharmer on 5/7/2016, 7:41 am

Name: Lana Parks (often goes by a nickname others give her)

Age: 15

Gender: Female (see my avatar for the character look)

Eyes: Olive green

Hair: Light blonde (especially light when wearing or surrounded by white)

Height: 5''6 (on the taller side)

Body Type: long and thin

Skin Color: sort of a milky white (sun burns easily)

God Parent: Aphrodite

Mortal Parent: Greg Parks

Country of Origin: America

Pets: Lana has always been partial to doves, and they seem to like her too, as the follow her around everywhere. She does not officially have a pet in her ownership.

Talents: Lana is skilled at many small things like finding good deals for shoes or applying blush perfectly.

Weapon**: Lana doesn't feel like she needs a weapon, so we its time for training she is mostly sitting by the river and making clothes or checking her reflection. Never the less she has a celestial bronze staff that does get some use.

Personality: Lana cares about everyone, wanting to befriend everyone. She is easily distracted by "cute boys" and is often a flirt. Despite this she is a very maternal soul and truly wants to care and love everything. Lana can be gullible and often deny being so. She always looked for a good time and funny friends. Funny or not, though, she felt obligated to get to know every living soul she met. This got her into trouble sometimes, being she overstepped her boundaries of privacy. (One time she broke into a girl's locker to know which classes they shared).

Flaws: Taking after her mother, she is very vain (though not self centered), and sometimes even insecure. She can also be quick to judge based on first impressions.

Powers (must relate to god parent; optional):
- She can sense love emotion when she is in their presence, and sometimes inflict a mild  lovestruck (like an attractive crush) feeling, though only for 2 posts with a cool down of 5 posts. The person can sometimes avoid being manipulated if they are strong-willed. Lana also has to be within 10 feet of the person continuously to keep it up.
- Lana has an intense aura of beauty around her that can seem slightly dizzying, extending to about 30 feet away (pretty much how far anyone can see her). The father one is away from her, the less intense it is. In pictures, one does not feel the strong beauty, but she is still pretty beautiful. This lasts for 1 post, with a cool down of another, but depending on how far away the person is, the more frequent it can be, where as the close the posts and cool downs are longer.

Abilities (must relate to god parent; optional): Lana is persuasive and charming, and most people will do anything for her, though no demigod has fallen for this a second time.

Life Before Camp*: Greg Parks was a quite man, having an office job in the financial district of New York. He seemed content with life until her realized he was missing something he never thought he would have: Love. With this in mind Greg fell in a deep love with the most beautiful women imaginable. He was entirely devoted to her... until one day this woman, now pregnant, shut herself in the study. When Greg finally opened the door, he found a note and a baby in a rose pink basket.
The note told Greg who she was, and what Lana was too. Greg, deeply saddened about his perfect woman leaving, found a new companion: drinking.
Lana was free to do with the city as she pleased, but she decided to balance that with caring for her father. She loved school because there was a cute boy who sat in front of her in history and math, and her friends were loyal (stylish too). Lana wasn't a great student and had some trouble reading and paying attention, what with her bright curiosity and all. She was often pranked by the kids who thought her as a brat. Lana also got a job at a florist's shop, apprenticing in floral perfumes. The florist used to be a dear friend of Aphrodite, back when she was still with Greg, and felt partial to Lana too. She let Lana help out and payed her anyways. At this time she was 13 and a half.
On a dark afternoon in May, Greg hit Lana, after a long night at his favorite bar. Not thinking much through, Lana immaturely gave her father the "silent treatment", basically shunning him from her life until she came up with a better way to spite him. On a lonely afternoon when she and her father were rained in, Lana decided to search through the house for that wish list she miss placed. Where did she see those shoes again?
Rather than finding the slightly crumpled paper, Lana found a large, old, somewhat odorous shoe box. Lana blew off the dust and opened it, hoping furiously that her father would not find her in his study. Inside the box were two things things: A note and a rose pink baby basket. Lana first opened the note. It told a spinning, wild tale, but it all came down to one unbelievable fact: Aphrodite was her mother.

Lana didn't take herself as a very gullible girl, though often she would be, and therefor started to believe the note. After all, it explained her father, why her mother wasn't there, and especially her talents with emotions and beauty. How else could a girl her age have no acne?
Lana settled her life, preparing the house for her dad to take back, finishing the year of school. After reading the note, she no longer felt safe in her own city. Lana set off with her fundings from her years at the florist's and made her way down the state to Long Island, New York, just where her mother said it would be. Along the way she tried to sell perfumes, but people found this suspicious, and Lana was forced to scrape by with what she had. Along the way she enlisted the help of a jumpy satyr named Mink. He helped her hide from monsters (most often graceful, yet scary, hellhounds), and occasionally lovestruck monsters too.

Lana arrived at Camp Half Blood at the age of 15, hitch hiking most of the way, considering she was a very charming fellow. Mink, as soon as he and Lana came upon half-blood hill, met with Chiron, discussing something that Lana thought should be important, given she wasn't allowed to attend. Soon afterward he made his hasty farewells and disappeared into the woods. Lana wouldn't see him again for awhile.

RP Example*: Lana wriggled her bare toes in the dirt, somewhat aware that she was close to the battling grounds the soil might have some blood in it. She smoothed out a wrinkle in her red dress, checking her reflection yet again. "Mother would be proud", she told herself mindlessly. Her swept her olive gaze over the camp and saw ______. "______! Oh! Aren't you looking wonderful!"
[/list]


Last edited by TheRoseCharmer on 5/10/2016, 6:28 pm; edited 13 times in total
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Re: Needs to be checked again

Post by Kwacken on 5/7/2016, 10:07 am

You have to have a weapon at CHB, even if it's just a celestial bronze dagger.

Add one more flaw.

Flip powers and abilities around.

What kind of emotions can she inflict on people? How strongly? How close does she have to be to them? What kind of emotions can she sense? Is there any way to block either? How close does she have to be to sense emotions? How often can she sense emotions?
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Re: Needs to be checked again

Post by TheRoseCharmer on 5/7/2016, 10:27 am

Alright changed some things.
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Re: Needs to be checked again

Post by Kendall on 5/7/2016, 2:56 pm

Add more to her personality.

Abilities/Powers:
- Can she sense any strong emotion, or only those related to love? (If it's any emotion, this wouldn't be allowed.) --> This would also belong in the Abilities section, if she doesn't do this on purpose and have energy drained from her.
- How strong is the feeling of being lovestruck? (And how is being calm related to Aphrodite?)
- How far could she be at most from a person in order to inflict emotions on them?
- How else can people resist this power? (examples: being a child of another love god, strong will, etc)
- For her aura of beauty, how far does this effect extend around her?

LBC:
- Add more details about Lana's life, since half of this section was dedicated to Greg's relationship with Aphrodite. Did she have many friends? Did she do decently in school, participate in any activities, etc?
- How old was she when she got to camp?
- Why did Lana believe the note? 
- How did she get to camp? Bus?
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Re: Needs to be checked again

Post by TheRoseCharmer on 5/7/2016, 5:01 pm

I played around with it again, hopefully this time it is better.
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Re: Needs to be checked again

Post by Kendall on 5/7/2016, 5:11 pm

Powers/Abilities:
- Define what "strong" and "mild" would be. (Ex: Strong being they can't stop thinking about a certain person, mild being a small crush/thinking the other person is rather attractive or whatever)
- You still need to move her love-sensing power to her Abilities section.
- Please put in a more definite range for her beauty aura.
- Also, tone down the strength of it.

LBC:
- Was her job at the florist's under the table (she wasn't officially an employee but was being paid anyway)? Usually kids aren't allowed to officially work unless they're around the age of 16 (although minimum age to work varies in some places) or their family owns the place.
- .... How exactly does a 15 year old kick their own parent out of the house? Did she call the police on him?
- How often did she encounter monsters on her way to camp, and what kinds were they?
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[4 free slots --> Terra, Kai, Rosalie, and Mina are gone]

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Re: Needs to be checked again

Post by TheRoseCharmer on 5/7/2016, 5:27 pm

Little unsure about these edits, so sorry that this is taking a long time.
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Re: Needs to be checked again

Post by Morgan Landry on 5/8/2016, 3:14 am

Hello!

--> How is she thin and curvy at the same time?
--> I'd rather you make this intense aura of beauty a power, not an ability.
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Re: Needs to be checked again

Post by TheRoseCharmer on 5/8/2016, 7:29 am

Fixed it
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Re: Needs to be checked again

Post by Kendall on 5/9/2016, 5:58 pm

Powers:
- Tone down the strong lovestruck feeling.
- Reduce the range of the beauty aura to 30-ish feet. 8 miles is far too much.
- Can she use the aura at will? How long can she maintain it for?

LBC:
- I still don't really believe her dad would so easily leave her alone at the apartment after she kicked him out? If my view of the timeline is correct, most kids get out of school in June -- so he'd be out of the house for around a month. Where did he stay? How did he get his clothes? Did nobody notice he wasn't going home as usual? If she'd called the police on him this would be a much more viable story, although Child Protective Services would get involved.
- Also, an untrained demigod managing to flee from dragons sounds nigh impossible -- she would very easily be killed. Try something less powerful, like smaller hellhounds.
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Re: Needs to be checked again

Post by TheRoseCharmer on 5/9/2016, 6:20 pm

Ok I changed quite a bit.
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Re: Needs to be checked again

Post by Kendall on 5/10/2016, 6:10 pm

Powers:
- Please turn this into a list, instead of smashed into one paragraph, so people can find certain powers easier. (ex: like how I format my questions if there are multiple in one category)
- Since the beauty aura is supposed to be a power now, you'll also need a time limit and cooldown in number of posts. 

LBC:
- I'm gonna say no to the magic mirror.
- So how old was she when she left home -- 14? Did nobody question why a 14 year old was wandering around selling perfume?
- How often did she encounter monsters?
- I'm supposing the homeless man was Apollo and the beautiful woman was Aphrodite -- you're not allowed to meet any gods before coming to camp (and even then they must be played by an admin). You could say she met a satyr, however, who helped her.
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[4 free slots --> Terra, Kai, Rosalie, and Mina are gone]

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Re: Needs to be checked again

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