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 Lucas Stone - Son of Pyriphlegethon

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MrUnderwood



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Number of posts : 16
Age : 18
Registration date : 2016-05-20

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PostSubject: Lucas Stone - Son of Pyriphlegethon   Lucas Stone - Son of Pyriphlegethon Icon_minitime5/20/2016, 9:44 am

Name: Lucas Stone
Gender: male
Mortal Parent: Lisa Stone - a news reporter that can se through the mist she has been secretly been looking for monsters at crime scenes, she does this to protect her son
God Parent: Pyriphlegethon -God of the infernal river of fire
Date of Birth: 1/23/2002
Place of Birth: Baltimore, Maryland, USA
Hometown/Last Residence: 207 Rabbit Drive, Baltimore, Maryland

Lucas Stone - Son of Pyriphlegethon Best-s10
Lucas Stone - Son of Pyriphlegethon Images10
Body Type: thin but has a little muscle
Race/ethnicity: american with a twist of Irish
Accent: english
Skin Tone: light
Eye Color: brown
Hair Color: brown with a hint of red
Hair Length: medium with short sides
Height: 5" 4'
Weight: 112.0 lb
Weapon: a barbed stygian iron spear
Armor: CB cuirass
Pet(s): a hellhound pup named Mooch (25.59 inches long weighs 40 pounds) can't shadow travel
Skills/Talents: stealth, parkour, and sword fighting
Flaws: angers easy, cocky, boastful, he has a scar on his eye from a manticore attack, and an axe scar across his back from sparring, big nose
Strengths: his belief in himself and knowing he can do better
Weaknesses: anger management, kind of a rebel, Can be bossy
Likes: the dark
Dislikes: annoying people that don't go away
Fears: bugs
Personality: he thinks hes all that but he is still pretty chill unless he gets angry. He usually is hanging out outside. He stays by the campfire every night. He trains constantly, mainly with his spear. He also likes playing with his puppie.
Abilities: Fire resistant up to 350 F
Powers:
throw a orb of fire to hurt enemies about the size of a basketball but a little smaller - 2 posts to use 5 for cooldown
surround himself in a wreath of fire, similar to a suit of armor 3 inches thick - lasts 3 post - once per topic
burn paper and other small flammable stuff with a snap biggest is 3 feet x 3 feet x 3 feet - 1 post to use - 2 post cooldown
Social Status: jocks and monster hunters
Summer or Year Rounder: year rounder
Years at Camp: 2
Life Before Camp:
When i was a kid i would never fit in. My mom would constantly move around, intill she found my dad. I never knew him. My mom said he was handsome, funny, and a great cook. She loved him, but then, he left. She was heart broken. He just left me and my mom by ourselves. School was hard, i only got by because of my teacher, Mr. Ashleaf, i met him in fourth grade when i was 10. It turned out he wasn't a teacher. he was a satyr. Every time i thought i heard a screech or a growl he was there it happened about once a week, mainly hell hounds. he killed everything that tried to harm me, at first he didn't know what the were going after but after i had a up close experience with a hellhound, he knew i was a halfblood. Then he took me to a camp, Camp Half-Blood.

Role-playing Example:
The beast lunged from the darkness. I could see it clearly. It was a manticore, its claws gleamed and its tail waved as it lunged. I leaped backwards, then i struck my spear towards it. Its screech chilled me to the bone. It recoiled and pounced again. I couldn't stop him, he land on me, i was done for. I could barely see him. His horns we longer that before, his goat legs were still there. "Mr. Ashleaf was here, he will help me" I thought as he bashed the beast with his club. It was down in one blow. "Thanks" I said. he just nodded
Notes:


Last edited by MrUnderwood on 5/25/2016, 9:37 am; edited 4 times in total
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Morgan Landry
High Queen of Narnia
Morgan Landry

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Number of posts : 15734
Registration date : 2011-12-31

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PostSubject: Re: Lucas Stone - Son of Pyriphlegethon   Lucas Stone - Son of Pyriphlegethon Icon_minitime5/20/2016, 11:34 am

Hello!

- Strengths are positive personality traits :)
-Weaknesses are things he's not good at, add some more
- Please elaborate on his personality a little more
- How big is the wreath of fire?
- Satyrs are only male, so you have to change the physical gender of Lucas' teacher.

Rest looks good :)

________________


Click on the gifs


Lucas Stone - Son of Pyriphlegethon Tumblr_oh5m9mlVOv1sz4dg2o2_540
Lucas Stone - Son of Pyriphlegethon Tumblr_oh5m9mlVOv1sz4dg2o4_540





for the RP invite


Guest, you are awesome.
(My mystery box prizes: 2 god parent gifts+2 slots+1exotic pet)
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MrUnderwood



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Number of posts : 16
Age : 18
Registration date : 2016-05-20

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PostSubject: Re: Lucas Stone - Son of Pyriphlegethon   Lucas Stone - Son of Pyriphlegethon Icon_minitime5/23/2016, 11:19 am

thank u i edited it
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Belle
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Belle

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Number of posts : 1429
Age : 21
Registration date : 2013-05-28

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PostSubject: Re: Lucas Stone - Son of Pyriphlegethon   Lucas Stone - Son of Pyriphlegethon Icon_minitime5/23/2016, 4:11 pm

Hello!

First of all, great job so far. Although I hate to be a bit blunt, but you're going to need a bit more for a detailed form.

Your life before camp half blood needs 10 sentences. Currently you only have 8. As commas do not constitute as ending a sentence. Only periods determine an end of a sentence. Long story short, add two more sentences to LBCHB.

You're also missing some fields that make up the detailed form. Such as,
Race, ethnicity, skin tone, eye colour. hair colour and length, body type, appearance (a small description of their appearance, perhaps scars and what kind of clothes they wear.).

I will leave you with this for now :) Good luck.
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MrUnderwood



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Number of posts : 16
Age : 18
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PostSubject: Re: Lucas Stone - Son of Pyriphlegethon   Lucas Stone - Son of Pyriphlegethon Icon_minitime5/23/2016, 4:18 pm

i counted my life before and i think i have 10
also i put the pics in so i didn't have to put them but ill fix that
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Kendall
Mr. Moseby
Majestic Unicorn Queen

Kendall

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Number of posts : 43512
Age : 2017
Registration date : 2008-09-13

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PostSubject: Re: Lucas Stone - Son of Pyriphlegethon   Lucas Stone - Son of Pyriphlegethon Icon_minitime5/23/2016, 6:41 pm

Mortal Parent:
- His mom looks for monsters at crime scenes? Why? Can she see through the Mist?

Pets:
- How large is his hellhound? (Maximum size we allow is the size of the average Rottweiler.)
- Can it shadow-travel? If so, how far at most and how many posts must it wait between usages (as a resting period)?

Flaws:
- How did he get the scar on his eye?
- Add a natural cosmetic flaw, such as acne, narrow-set eyes, buck teeth, etc, if you want a drachma reward for the form. This can also include things he's insecure about. (Minimum 1000 words for the whole form is also required.)

Add more to his personality. (I believe the requirement for a detailed form reward is 5 sentences. If not looking for the reward, maybe 2-3 more sentences.)

Abilities/Powers:
- How fire-resistant is he?
- How large is the fire orb at most?
- How hot is his fire at most?
- Elaborate more on this fire wreath power; you didn't really specify much of a size like Morgan asked, unless you mean it's about the size of Lucas himself since it's supposedly like a suit of armor (although you'd still need to talk about how thick it is). 
- For the last power, does this apply to small things? Humans are flammable too. Lots of things are flammable if you try hard enough.

LBC:
- How frequently was Lucas attacked by monsters?
- How old was he when he met Mr. Ashleaf?
- What kinds of monsters went after Lucas?
- How old was he when he got to camp? Why didn't Ashleaf take him to camp after the first attack (if multiple occurred)?

________________
Kendall (Ares) Archer (Hecate) Avie (Soter) Stella (Ouranos) Aidan (Pyriphlegethon) Tempest (Aeolus) Bee (Melisseus) Nelly (Apollo) Benji (Thoth) Dana (Odyne) Mason (Hermes) Darwin (Hephaestus) Lucy (Somnus; First Cohort)Dorian (Legacy of Mefitis; Third Cohort)Ellie (Dionysus; Hunter of Artemis)

[4 free slots --> Terra, Kai, Rosalie, and Mina are gone]

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MrUnderwood



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Number of posts : 16
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PostSubject: Re: Lucas Stone - Son of Pyriphlegethon   Lucas Stone - Son of Pyriphlegethon Icon_minitime5/23/2016, 11:38 pm

Edited
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Kwacken
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Kwacken

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PostSubject: Re: Lucas Stone - Son of Pyriphlegethon   Lucas Stone - Son of Pyriphlegethon Icon_minitime5/25/2016, 2:12 am

You need at least 5 sentences of personality.
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MrUnderwood



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PostSubject: Re: Lucas Stone - Son of Pyriphlegethon   Lucas Stone - Son of Pyriphlegethon Icon_minitime5/25/2016, 9:37 am

Edited
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Kendall
Mr. Moseby
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Kendall

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Number of posts : 43512
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PostSubject: Re: Lucas Stone - Son of Pyriphlegethon   Lucas Stone - Son of Pyriphlegethon Icon_minitime5/27/2016, 7:13 pm

Mortal Parent:
- You didn't answer my question about if she can see through the Mist or not.
- Why would she look for monsters at crime scenes to protect her son? Just because they're there doesn't mean they'll go after him, especially since his scent would be weak as the son of a minor god and as someone under the age of 13, combined with the fact that if they live a bit far off from the scene the monster(s) would not pick up his scent.

You should probably put those pictures of him in spoiler tags, since the first one takes up a good chunk of his form. Spoiler tags are [spoiler*] thing here [/spoiler*] without the asterisks.

For his accent, when you say "English" do you mean a British accent or an American one?

For height, a single apostrophe indicates feet while quotation marks mean inches -- so his height should be 5'4", unless you're saying he's 4 feet and 5 inches tall.

Flaws:
- How do those scars affect him? Do they still cause him pain/major insecurity?

Add more to his personality; a lot of the things you currently have only really talk about his hobbies, which could be useful in elaborating on current traits but are currently just sort of sitting there without much connection to each other. (For example, you could say he's very dedicated or hardworking -- as seen by his training constantly. Or that he's very loving and playful, as seen by his playing with his hellhound constantly.)

Powers:
- Indicate a specific size, such as a 5 inch radius, for his fireballs. 
- You didn't indicate a maximum temperature for any of his fire powers.
- So for the wreath, is it just there to protect him from people physically touching him/getting too close?
- Increase cooldown for his last power by at least 1 post.

LBC:
- A monster attacked him almost once a week from the time he met Ashleaf to the time they got to camp? Reduce this to maybe an attack a year, since as the son of a minor god and someone under the age of 13 he wouldn't have much of a scent at all. 
- Describe the hellhound attack that got Lucas sent to camp. What happened, where, and how did Ashleaf find out?

________________
Kendall (Ares) Archer (Hecate) Avie (Soter) Stella (Ouranos) Aidan (Pyriphlegethon) Tempest (Aeolus) Bee (Melisseus) Nelly (Apollo) Benji (Thoth) Dana (Odyne) Mason (Hermes) Darwin (Hephaestus) Lucy (Somnus; First Cohort)Dorian (Legacy of Mefitis; Third Cohort)Ellie (Dionysus; Hunter of Artemis)

[4 free slots --> Terra, Kai, Rosalie, and Mina are gone]

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MrUnderwood



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Number of posts : 16
Age : 18
Registration date : 2016-05-20

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PostSubject: Re: Lucas Stone - Son of Pyriphlegethon   Lucas Stone - Son of Pyriphlegethon Icon_minitime8/23/2016, 11:35 am

please delete
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PostSubject: Re: Lucas Stone - Son of Pyriphlegethon   Lucas Stone - Son of Pyriphlegethon Icon_minitime

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