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nevasemo
Number of posts: 23
Age: 15
Registration date: 2011-11-25
 |  Subject: Behind the Golden Eyes 11/27/2011, 1:34 am | |
| Hey! This story is fan fiction, and I've been working on it for a while; the idea's been up there since I finished book 5 last summer, and I'm finally put it into words. I hope you like it <3 I highly suggest if you haven't read the whole series that you do so and THEN read this. BIG TIME spoiler alert in the prologue & end of story. So don't read if you're not finished with the Percy Jackson series otherwise Chiron will be pretty mad... PS SPOILER ALERTS!!!!!!!!!!!! PPS Don't hesitate to PM me with your thoughts as the story goes along...thanks | Spoiler: | | | Prologue
Percy's eyes were full of distrust; I had let him down.
I had let him down since the first time he came to Camp, and how bad I felt we could never be friends...how badly I felt I had to hurt him just to get what I wanted.
"Give me the knife," I said. Each word was a struggle, but I knew what I had to do.
My eyes drifted behind him to Annabeth. I knew she didn't give up on me.
My insides were burning up. The heat was getting worse and percy was just standing there like an idiot. Then finally, reluctantly, he placed the knife in my hand.
I moved my armor aside, and revealed my "Achilles Spot". It tingled eerily as it was uncovered.
And with that, I stabbed the knife. |
UPDATE
Chapter One: "My Mom is a Monster" will be posted within two days (Assuming all goes well) Thanks! :3 |
| | | | TheEyeofHorus
Dedicated Member
Number of posts: 1568
Age: 17
Registration date: 2011-08-23
| | Subject: Re: Behind the Golden Eyes 11/27/2011, 12:20 pm | |
| So far so good  looking forward for more! |
| | | | Skyler
Experienced Member
Number of posts: 6030
Age: 14
Registration date: 2010-07-17
| | Subject: Re: Behind the Golden Eyes 11/27/2011, 1:25 pm | |
| Its good but I am just wondering isnt this pretty much from the Last PJO book?
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| | | | nevasemo
Number of posts: 23
Age: 15
Registration date: 2011-11-25
| | | | | nevasemo
Number of posts: 23
Age: 15
Registration date: 2011-11-25
| | Subject: Re: Behind the Golden Eyes 11/27/2011, 1:52 pm | |
| | Skyler wrote: | Its good but I am just wondering isnt this pretty much from the Last PJO book?
|
Prologue, ending, yes. But the book is really my view of what happened to Luke before Camp Half-Blood, then later on his point of view during the series. |
| | | | Kendall
Administrator
Number of posts: 33975
Age: 2010
Registration date: 2008-09-13
| | Subject: Re: Behind the Golden Eyes 11/27/2011, 2:16 pm | |
| Don't double-post.
________________
Kendall, Daughter of Ares
Rosalie, Daughter of Aphrodite
Claire, Daughter of Hecate
Archer, Son of Hecate
Stella, Daughter of Ouranos
Meagan, Daughter of Gaea
Aidan, Daughter of Pyriphlegethon
Tempest, Daughter of Aeolus
Nelly, Daughter of Apollo
Benji, Daughter of Kuk
Deja, Daughter of Odyne
Mason, Son of Hermes
Waldo, Son of Hermes
Terra, Daughter of Tiki
Lucy, Daughter of Somnus; First Cohort
Dorian, Legacy of Mefitis; Third Cohort
You power-play, I god-mod. (Switching "god-mod" with "power-play" works too.)
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| | | | nevasemo
Number of posts: 23
Age: 15
Registration date: 2011-11-25
| | Subject: Update 11/29/2011, 11:21 pm | |
| Hello! :3 Chapter One is sadly delayed... I got into an argument with a friend (now ex-friend) & I've been taking hardcore notes on Luke & I write everything on paper before here, and she decided it would be real fun to steal it from me, shred it, and make me start over. Keep in mind we're both in highschool, and I found that quite sad. I'm sorry for those waiting for Chapter One to see how Luke's life plays out, but it's not going to happen for a while. Sorry  <3 nevasemo |
| | | | TheEyeofHorus
Dedicated Member
Number of posts: 1568
Age: 17
Registration date: 2011-08-23
| | Subject: Re: Behind the Golden Eyes 11/29/2011, 11:24 pm | |
| okay but hurry please I want more hehe |
| | | | nevasemo
Number of posts: 23
Age: 15
Registration date: 2011-11-25
| | Subject: Re: Behind the Golden Eyes 11/29/2011, 11:31 pm | |
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| | | | TheEyeofHorus
Dedicated Member
Number of posts: 1568
Age: 17
Registration date: 2011-08-23
| | Subject: Re: Behind the Golden Eyes 11/29/2011, 11:37 pm | |
| I like yours because it helps me with mine, you should check it out it's called redemption it's about Luke having another chance of coming back and redeeming himself |
| | | | nevasemo
Number of posts: 23
Age: 15
Registration date: 2011-11-25
| | Subject: Re: Behind the Golden Eyes 11/30/2011, 3:16 pm | |
| I will definantely check it out |
| | | | nevasemo
Number of posts: 23
Age: 15
Registration date: 2011-11-25
| | Subject: Chapter One: My Mom is a Monster 12/7/2011, 12:03 am | |
| Chapter One finally arrives...
Luke Castellan is eight years old, and finds himself in a strange situation.
| Spoiler: | | |
"Luke, sweetie! Come get your breakfast!"
My eyes flicked open quickly. I sat up in bed, still groggy, but I looked around.
My room was relatively small -- white walls, white carpet, a dresser, mirror, a closet, and a bed. All were packed pretty tightly together, but I was used to it.
I rolled lazily out of bed and headed towards my door. As I pulled open, the smell of...something hit my nose. I gagged but continued on down the stairs, hoping my mother didn't cook something too bad today.
She's really not the best cook in the world, but...I let her do it if it makes her happy. She's never really been right in the head.
"Luke, come quickly before--nevermind." I heard something dump into a plastic bag, and my mom clicking her tongue in disappointment.
Reluctantly, I jumped down the last few steps and trotted into the kitchen.
My mother was slamming bacon into a frying pan, humming quietly to herself. Her eyes are glazed, as if she's not all there (Which believe me, she isn't.), and her hair is pulled up in an extremely messy pony-tail.
"Oh, hello!" she perks up suddenly, without seeing me; I stop dead, ready to turn and just leave for school, no questions asked.
"Hi, mom," I found myself saying quietly -- but the rest of me wants to just leave. Just...leave...
"I made you breakfast! But the bacon was under-done, so I'm cooking some more." she nodded towards the garbage can, which reeked like the High Heavens. I leaned over to glance inside, and saw charred black sticks sitting at the bottom. And she was so happy I didn't want to ruin her good mood.
The bacon on the stove was still okay, and I had to salvage at least some.
"Mom! I, er, like it under-done. It's good the way you have it now." She furrows her brow and looks curiously down at the frying pan, which is sizzling enticingly.
"Well -- alright I guess..." she dumped the bacon onto a purple plate, (Which, might I add was dirty) and shoves it towards me. "I made you eggs too. They're on the table!"
I learned over the years to deal with the way my mother acted; she wasn't much of a mom, either. Well -- she certainly tried, but I often found myself correcting her silly mistakes. She had this pro--
"Luke! Stop staring at Mrs. Medusa and eat you starving little boy."
My mother also was obsessed with Greek Mythology. Especially Hermes...something about a guy wearing winged sandles really set her off into rampages.
I looked down at my breakfast, which was utterly repulsive. The eggs were some...kind of color I didn't even think eggs could turn. They were green. And not just grassy green like, "Oh, I dropped my eggs in the grass, silly me!" no. They were bright, lime green, so bright it burned my soul to look at them.
They were the color of my mom's Scary Eyes...
Hopefully today would be different. I prayed to God today would be different.
"Be right back, honey," she said and kissed my forehead. She smelled like giraffe. (Petting zoo, really horrible day. Don't bring it up.)
As soon as she left I made a mad dash for the front door and dumped the eggs into the lawn. Hopefully they blended in with the grass.
And by the time I was seated again, my mom came into the room, rubbing her hands furiously. Her face had contorted into something very angry, a look I saw all too often. A look that I saw when she thought about my dad. (Whom I had no idea was)
"Oh," she stopped and looked over at me, her eyes now less foggy. "You're still here." As if that's a bad thing? Well, for me at least.
"Yeah, I just got down here a few mintues ago..."
"Ah," she murmured and began wiping the counters down.
That's the strange thing about her; she's always forgetting where I am, how I got here or there, and...everything.
"Eat your bacon," she demaded; I decided she was thinking about my dad. She only acted like a naughty word when she did, and I found every sign of her emotions and episodes out when I was six or seven.
And being angry provoked her all too easily...
"Luke!"
I looked up. Bad idea.
My mom's eyes were glowing a furious green. She ran forward and grabbed me around my shoulders and began to shake violently. "Luke no...you're...you're destiny! Stop! Stop!" Her voice changed to a mysterious deep, and...she threw me to the floor. "Death and despair, Luke, oh...destiny..." and with that, she collapsed on the floor, unconcious.
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That's pretty mucht the unedited version of Chapter One, and I'm sorry it wasn't as good as it should've been...I kind of typed that out in a rush last night, but it'll be revised pretty soon to what I have written last week in my notes. Please comment with your support or please use constructive critisicm! <3 |
| | | | pilot
Role Playing Legend
Number of posts: 10301
Age: 16
Registration date: 2010-10-15
| | Subject: Re: Behind the Golden Eyes 12/10/2011, 8:44 pm | |
| sounds good, but you don't have to put it in a spoiler, its making it hard to read. |
| | | | Cookiemonster<3
Dedicated Member
Number of posts: 1355
Age: 12
Registration date: 2011-11-12
| | Subject: Re: Behind the Golden Eyes 12/10/2011, 9:05 pm | |
| Wow I think its really good!I just posted my story-The Legend last night...you should tell me how you like it |
| | | | nevasemo
Number of posts: 23
Age: 15
Registration date: 2011-11-25
| | Subject: Re: Behind the Golden Eyes 12/11/2011, 2:29 pm | |
| I will read it! And I put the story in spoilers for those who haven't read the series yet; don't want anybody to be disappointed... |
| | | | pilot
Role Playing Legend
Number of posts: 10301
Age: 16
Registration date: 2010-10-15
| | Subject: Re: Behind the Golden Eyes 12/11/2011, 8:21 pm | |
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| | | | crazymoose99
Member
Number of posts: 943
Registration date: 2012-02-06
| | Subject: Re: Behind the Golden Eyes 2/23/2012, 4:24 pm | |
| That is really good! PLEASE write more! |
| | | | Little Talks
Experienced Member
Number of posts: 7016
Registration date: 2009-12-26
| | Subject: Re: Behind the Golden Eyes 2/23/2012, 7:49 pm | |
| Please update soon! The story is amazing so far. |
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Thank you! 