Jay Conners, son of Apollo (ready for approval)

View previous topic View next topic Go down

Jay Conners, son of Apollo (ready for approval)

Post by Demi0ne on 5/18/2016, 12:00 pm

I will put this by stuff i need admin help with - ***
edit #4

Name: Jay Conners  rock baby
Gender: male
Mortal Parent: Karen Conners, a caring, scholarly lady who works at the school library. She was a great singer and every morning sung her favorite song as the sun rose. Apollo heard her singing and fell in love. He when after Jay was born

God Parent: Apollo, Claimed during a archery competition during his second year at camp
Date of Birth: August 16 2001 14 years old
Place of Birth: Orlando, Florida
Hometown/Last Residence: Orlando
Race/ethnicity: white American with a mix of spanish
Accent: southern american
Skin Tone: slight tan
Eye Color: light green
Hair Color: blonde with natural hints of red
Hair Length: short with buzzed off sides
Height: 5' 7"
Weight: 112 pounds
Body Type: slightly muscular with a thin build
Appearance: freckles on his cheeks and a barely visible mustache, always smiling/cheerful usually bobbing head to a song wheres camp tee shirt, jeans, hiking boots, almost always has headphones on, and sometimes wheres sunglasses
Weapon:
bow with celestial bronze tipped arrows
Cane that has a small button on it when pressed the lower part of the cane becomes a bladed whip with CB metal pieces (approved)





Armor: leather chestpiece
Pet(s): canary it was his life long pet it followed him to camp half-blood
Skills/Talents: quick, good archer, natural at mazes
Flaws:  not that social prefers to listen to music and observe his surroundings, a burn scar on his left hand, has trouble with talking to monsters, doesn't care about book learning, cocky
Strengths: Happy outlook on life
Weaknesses: fear of losing his music and the love from his father
Likes: sports, beaches, outside
Dislikes: darkness
Fears: deep caverns were the sun can't reach him
Personality: cheery at all times except serious and sad times. optimistic even when he is in the depths of the underworld. listens to music a lot you would be surprised if he wasn't. if not listening to music bobs his head like he is. Loves outdoors and if he can he will find a way outside.

Abilities:  never sunburns and a natural understanding of poetry and prophesy (Apollo is the god of prophesy)

Powers:
healing minor sicknesses like headache up to a pounding headache, stomach-ache up to throwing up or normal poison/venom (mortal spiders, snakes, dart frogs, most mortal poison/venom), but not wounds takes 2 posts to cure average and below and three to heal pounding headaches or throwing up, 5 post cooldown

 emits a fain glow of light from hands or chest like that of a candle or flashlight that can be turned on for 3 posts and has a cooldown of 5 posts

{Song of Freedom} - Sing a song that breaks magical enchantments (mind control or magic fear) Takes 3 posts to complete the song and has a topic long cool down (once per topic) ***

Social Status: band group
Summer or Year Rounder: year rounder
Years at Camp: 3
Life Before Camp:

He lived with his mom, even though she was never home they were still close they talked on the phone every day. He walked to school by himself most days, some times he would walk with a friend, even though he had few. He was getting average grades but still wasn't close to all A's. He played football half a season but hated it, so he joined band next year, he was a natural. While performing one day, his music teacher tried to strangle him, he was only turning twelve that week. The Teacher turned out to be a empousa. He was saved by a satyr and an other boy, who was a halfblood. They wounded the monster but it was to strong, so we ran.  They took him to camp half-blood. They were attacked multiple times on the way there, mainly by small hellhounds, which the easily defeated. Last thing he remembered was a "CLONK" noise and everything went dark. When he woke up he was in a bunk bed in a cabin, he found a package sitting on top of him, inside was a bow and some arrows, It was signed "Your mentor Chiron." After three years he was given his specialty weapon his cane, he was getting used to camp, but things are about to change.

Role-playing Example:
Jay walked out from the Apollo cabin his face glowing with fury. He tried to rid himself of the anger by listening to his music, it just made him madder. He walked briskly toward the sword training area. "She couldn't be dead" he muttered as he decapitated a training dummy with his knife. That seemed to snap him out of it. He started to tear up as he ran to the beach. It was a gloomy day, the sun seemed to hide behind the clouds as if Apollo Himself was grieving. "Apollo, Father if you can hear me please, I need a sign." He said. C'mon Jay we'll be late" a familiar voice said. "Thanks" he replied sarcastically. He ran of to the archery range for training, he was going to be late.
Notes:


Last edited by Demi0ne on 5/20/2016, 1:36 pm; edited 17 times in total

Demi0ne

Male
Number of posts : 5
Age : 15
Registration date : 2016-05-18

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Jay Conners, son of Apollo (ready for approval)

Post by Kendall on 5/18/2016, 1:21 pm

Your form's WIP but I'm gonna add in a few notes (both for things you need help with and some minor notes of my own) to help you along:

Generally the site takes place around the end of Blood of Olympus -- so late 2014/early 2015 would be our best guess of the year.

The eye color should be natural; orange is a no unless he has colored contact lenses, and so is "pure sunlight".

The sunlight arrow would be a no; you need to purchase a gift from God parent from the site store (or win one from a contest/mystery box) to get one.

The hawk is a no.

[For powers and abilities I'm not sure what you need help with, so I'll delve into normal questions we consider to get you to elaborate.]

Abilities:
- How bright is this glow?
- Can he control how bright he is or shut it on/off at will? If yes to either, this belongs in the Powers section with limits.

Powers:
- What can he heal?
- What are his limits (maximum sized wounds, how long it takes to heal/cool down times between power usages in number of posts, etc)
- Darkvision? As in seeing in the dark/nightvision? Describe how he activates this and its limits (maximum time and cooldown, both in number of posts).

LBC:
- For the monster, you could try an empousa? (One of Hecate's servants, I think Percy fought some in Battle of the Labyrinth)
- See my note about the arrow from before.
avatar
Kendall
Mr. Moseby
Majestic Unicorn Queen


Female
Number of posts : 43508
Age : 2016
Registration date : 2008-09-13

View user profile

________________
Kendall (Ares) Archer (Hecate) Avie (Soter) Stella (Ouranos) Aidan (Pyriphlegethon) Tempest (Aeolus) Bee (Melisseus) Nelly (Apollo) Benji (Thoth) Dana (Odyne) Mason (Hermes) Darwin (Hephaestus) Lucy (Somnus; First Cohort)Dorian (Legacy of Mefitis; Third Cohort)Ellie (Dionysus; Hunter of Artemis)

[4 free slots --> Terra, Kai, Rosalie, and Mina are gone]

Back to top Go down

Re: Jay Conners, son of Apollo (ready for approval)

Post by Demi0ne on 5/18/2016, 1:35 pm

fixed as best as possible
Very happy

Demi0ne

Male
Number of posts : 5
Age : 15
Registration date : 2016-05-18

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Jay Conners, son of Apollo (ready for approval)

Post by Kendall on 5/18/2016, 1:38 pm

Is your form still a WIP, or are you done adding things so this can be properly checked? If it's not a WIP anymore you should edit the WIP tag out of the title.
avatar
Kendall
Mr. Moseby
Majestic Unicorn Queen


Female
Number of posts : 43508
Age : 2016
Registration date : 2008-09-13

View user profile

________________
Kendall (Ares) Archer (Hecate) Avie (Soter) Stella (Ouranos) Aidan (Pyriphlegethon) Tempest (Aeolus) Bee (Melisseus) Nelly (Apollo) Benji (Thoth) Dana (Odyne) Mason (Hermes) Darwin (Hephaestus) Lucy (Somnus; First Cohort)Dorian (Legacy of Mefitis; Third Cohort)Ellie (Dionysus; Hunter of Artemis)

[4 free slots --> Terra, Kai, Rosalie, and Mina are gone]

Back to top Go down

Re: Jay Conners, son of Apollo (ready for approval)

Post by Demi0ne on 5/18/2016, 1:40 pm

thanks ill change that

Demi0ne

Male
Number of posts : 5
Age : 15
Registration date : 2016-05-18

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Jay Conners, son of Apollo (ready for approval)

Post by Demi0ne on 5/18/2016, 1:42 pm

Thank you for the help

Demi0ne

Male
Number of posts : 5
Age : 15
Registration date : 2016-05-18

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Jay Conners, son of Apollo (ready for approval)

Post by Kendall on 5/18/2016, 2:29 pm

Please don't double-post; if you need to add something, just edit your previous post. [And you're welcome. Prepare yourself for a long list of questions and changes.]

God Parent:
- Do you mean he was claimed during his second year at camp? You should specify.

Race/Ethnicity:
- What's his race/heritage? (Ex: He's English and Chinese. Or something.)

For his accent... what do you mean by "IDEA florida 2"? Or is this just left over from your initial form write-up?

Does he have red highlights in his hair? Are these natural?

For his hair length, what do you mean by it being long and also "buzzed off"? Does he have buzz cuts along the sides or...?

For his height: 5.7 what? Or is he 5 foot 7 inches (5'7")?

Be more specific about his body type. Is he lean but also a bit muscular? Short and stocky? Tall and lanky?

Add more to his appearance. What does he typically wear? Describe some details about, say, his face and body.

Armor:
- Leather what? Be more specific. 

Pets:
- How did he get a sparrow? (Not sure of the legality of it, but I'll keep looking. Maybe have a backup bird just in case, like a canary or something.)

Flaws:
- Pulled muscles aren't really flaws? They're fixable, at least, with some time and therapy if they're particularly bad. Replace this with another flaw.
- Elaborate on his second flaw. Why isn't he very social?
- If you want a drachma reward for this form, you'll need at least 5 flaws -- so add three more. If you don't want that (although it'll help you towards purchasing a god parent gift from the site store), add one more.

Personality:
- Add more to this. (If you're aiming for the drachma reward, this needs to be at least 5 sentences long. If not, elaborate some more on his current traits and add maybe 2-3 more with some explanation about them.)

Powers:
- How bad, at worst, could the headaches and stomach aches be?
- (Spiders and snakes have venom, not poison.) 
- What's the worst type of venom he could heal? How does he do so?
- What other types of illnesses could he heal?
- You need to tell me, in number of posts, how long it would take to heal something at most and also how long he has to wait in between usages. General rule of thumb is cooldown should be equal to or greater than the usage duration. (Example: It takes 2 posts of concentration to heal a bad headache, with a 4 post cooldown between uses.) 
- Mhm. I'm a little iffy about the nightvision since Apollo's god of the sun, not really darkness. How does this relate to him besides being the polar opposite of his realm?
- Does his entire body glow with light, or just a part (like his hand or such)?

LBC:
- Add some more detail to this if you want a drachma reward -- for example, did he get alon with his mom? Did he have many friends? When did he join band?
- How old was he when his music teacher attacked?
- How did the satyr and other boy save him? (Was the other boy also a new demigod?)
- You shouldn't switch tenses here; please alter this so it's consistent for this section (like third person point of view for everything, instead of suddenly first person mid-paragraph).
- What were they attacked by on their way to camp and how frequently? How did they escape? 
- When he woke up? Was he asleep or unconscious? 
- Where was he when he woke up?
- Where did that package come from? (If it's from Apollo or some other god, this is a no.)

RP Example:
- I should note, only admins (or approved members they appoint, like staff or ex-staff) can play gods -- so your character randomly asking for a sign from Apollo and getting one would not be allowed in regular role-play. You should edit this.
avatar
Kendall
Mr. Moseby
Majestic Unicorn Queen


Female
Number of posts : 43508
Age : 2016
Registration date : 2008-09-13

View user profile

________________
Kendall (Ares) Archer (Hecate) Avie (Soter) Stella (Ouranos) Aidan (Pyriphlegethon) Tempest (Aeolus) Bee (Melisseus) Nelly (Apollo) Benji (Thoth) Dana (Odyne) Mason (Hermes) Darwin (Hephaestus) Lucy (Somnus; First Cohort)Dorian (Legacy of Mefitis; Third Cohort)Ellie (Dionysus; Hunter of Artemis)

[4 free slots --> Terra, Kai, Rosalie, and Mina are gone]

Back to top Go down

Re: Jay Conners, son of Apollo (ready for approval)

Post by Demi0ne on 5/19/2016, 1:46 pm

waiting for approval
rock baby Leo

Demi0ne

Male
Number of posts : 5
Age : 15
Registration date : 2016-05-18

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Jay Conners, son of Apollo (ready for approval)

Post by Kwacken on 5/20/2016, 11:29 am

Accent: accents would be what he sounds like. American Southern accent, Texan accent, Scottish accent, Yorkshire accent, etc etc.

Ethnicity: American isn't so much an ethnicity because it's such a melting pot. Is he white, black or Asian?

Pet: Change it to say a canary.

Flaws: By burn on his left hand, do you mean a scar from a burn? And hating Ares cabin isn't really a flaw.

Powers: How many posts does it take to cool down for healing sicknesses.
avatar
Kwacken
Senior Member

Female
Number of posts : 2302
Age : 29
Registration date : 2014-12-31

View user profile

________________



( 1 ) Cust. Rank, Monster Attack, Character Slot, Loss of Limb, Exotic Pet
( 2 ) Name Change
( 3 ) Shout Out, Name color(2mo)
( 6 ) GP Visit
( 8 ) GP Gift

Back to top Go down

Re: Jay Conners, son of Apollo (ready for approval)

Post by Sponsored content


Sponsored content


Back to top Go down

View previous topic View next topic Back to top


 
Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum